Platelets...who needs 'em?

OK, so it's been a while since I've updated anyone! Guess I'm not so great at this whole blogging thing after all. Let's see....since my last post, Sadie turned one, we had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year, I turned 30 (yikes!), I've lost about 35 pounds (but, contrary to popular belief, I do still eat and am not in any way anorexic!), two of my dear friends are about to meet their newest additions, I decided to go back to retail pharmacy and am now working 3 days per week at Sam's Club, and my platelet levels continue to not cooperate! I'm really not sure if I will even post this, but I think it's therapeutic to write about it all.

As many of you may recall, I had gestational thrombocytopenia throughout my last pregnancy. (That's a fancy name meaning that during pregnancy my platelet levels drop. The platelets are the part of your blood that cause clotting, so they're kind of important!) After I had Sadie, I was referred to a hematologist (which is kind of scary because pretty much all hematologists are also oncologists) to further evaluate me. He determined that the platelet issue was just a pregnancy thing since my levels bounced back to normal two weeks post-partum. He also gave the "OK" for future attempts at procreation even though my OB/GYN said no way! Since Sadie's birth, I haven't really had any issues. My primary care doctor has been monitoring my platelet levels just in case over the past year or so...nothing routine, just if I have to go in for something, they take a little blood and I go on my merry little way...no biggie! My levels have been fairly normal until the past couple of visits. In December, I had a follow-up lab drawn and my platelets were a little low...nothing serious, just enough to keep me on the radar. Well, over the past month or so I have been bruising like crazy...I tripped over a power cord and bruised, bump my leg on the counter and bruised, you touch me with any force and I'm gonna bruise. Poor David, good thing it's not really short sleeve weather yet because who knows what he would be accused of with all of my bruises! Anyway, I went to the doctor last week and he decided to check my levels just in case. It's never a good sign when you get a call back from the doctor the same day (especially after you have labwork done), so when I had a missed call from the doctor and I knew I hadn't left anything there, I knew something was up. After checking back with the doctor, he informed me that my platelet level had dropped more and he wanted to refer me back to the hematologist (further referred to as the "Hem/Onc"). So, I went to that appointment today. Whew....seven, yes I said seven, vials of blood later, we wait and see. The hem/onc doc was a little more concerned today than the last time I saw him. He was certain that the platelet issue was just a pregnancy thing previously, so he wasn't too pleased with my recent levels. He explained that there are several things that could cause thrombocytopenia, or ITP as he has diagnosed it. He cautioned me not to Google ITP or thrombocytopenia...too late, I had already done that a couple of pregnancies ago! There are lots of scary things out there when you Google it....the scariest of all being lymphomas or leukemia. He said that my white blood cell count and red blood cell count look good, so he's not incredibly concerned about any type of cancer, but it can't be ruled out. I go back to see him in three weeks for another platelet count. He said that if my platelets are still below normal at that point, he will do a bone marrow biopsy...makes me shiver just to think about it. He explained the process of the biopsy and, well, let's just say I'm really hoping to not have to go through that! I, of course, Googled bone marrow biopsy...huge mistake! I tried to watch a YouTube video of someone having it done and couldn't do it....didn't even make it two minutes into the video. I shudder to think about it! Overall, he said the basic treatment for ITP is steroids and if that doesn't work, worst case scenario is to remove the spleen since it kind of eats platelets. Sterioids....ughh...there goes that 30 pounds I just got rid of!

It's kind of a scary thing for me...I think Satan automatically leads us to believe the worst. When I first found out I was being referred back the hem/onc doc, I was beside myself. I was convinced that I was going to have some sort of leukemia and got a little frantic. I think I privately cried every time I went to the bathroom that day...the thought of not being there to watch my girls grow-up or to grow old with David just breaks my heart. Worst of all, I think, is that I am concerned that both doctors are going advise against having anymore children. Now, I'm not a Duggar by any means, but I also don't feel like I'm done having children. When you're having that conversation with your hubby about wanting more children vs. not wanting more children, you just don't take into consideration that you may not be able to carry another child. I've had several people tell me, especially when I was preggo with Sadie, that I must be crazy to think of having another one. Pregnancy is not the most fun for me...what with the weekly blood draws and doctor visits and the ever-lingering possibility of hospital bedrest, but I love being pregnant...I love the idea that another life is growing inside of me...I love exploring how God designed me to do just that! Even more, I love my daughters...and I still have lots of room to love another child....or two (ha ha to David if you read this!)! I don't feel like God is finished with our family...maybe this is His way of showing us other ways our family can grow. None of us know what He has in store for us! I can tell you this, the only reason I can smile, laugh, and keep moving on right now is that I know He is in control. Whatever happens here on this earth, He is in control. He loves me, He loves David, He loves my girls, He loves you! I know that He will take care of it all...it may not be what I planned, but, then again, I am foolish to think that I can make it through this life on my own plans!

Thanks for letting me share with you today! I will try to do better in the future, but no guarantees! Love you all! Have a great day!