iPad

OK, so David is all about some Apple products...if you know us, you already knew that! Last Friday was the launch of the iPad 2 and, just like with the first iPad, David waited in line at the Apple store to be one of the first people to get one. That's his thing and I get it and I'm cool with it. He doesn't ask for much and doesn't really buy much of anything, so I am completely fine with his annual major Apple purchase. With the first iPad release, I wanted one, but didn't get it. I waited in the line with David, but opted not to get one at the time. Well, this year, Apple released these great new cases with the iPad and made it white...I'm a sucker for white Apple products and anything pink, so I couldn't resist this time around with the new iPad. David took off work early (I'm telling you, that's his thing!) and waited in the line. He was one of the first 50 people in line and he has a blast waiting in the line and talking Apple with the other fans! I had a class in Nashville on Friday, so I met him at the Apple store when I was done with the class. I had been toying with the idea of getting the new iPad since I found out about it, but I wasn't completely sure I wanted one. Well, there is nothing like an Apple launch event to get you fired up about a product. I got so excited waiting in the line with David and being one of the first people to get to even see, touch, and use the new iPad that I made a quick decision to get one. (The Apple store employee helping us assured me I had 14 days to return it if I didn't like it, so no harm,no foul!) I will be one of the first to admit, that thing is amazing! (And I felt really cool having one too!) I couldn't wait to get it home and use it! I love playing with all the apps and having my Kindle books on it and my Bible on it and all the other great things you can do on it....BUT...after having it two days (and literally being sick about the purchase) I decided to return it.

RETURN IT? Am I crazy? I was holding one of the most desired items in the world...and I returned it? Yep, I am crazy. You see, I'm crazy about strengthening my relationship with the Lord! I know, I know...here I go with my crazy Jesus talk again! (I figure that if you're still following my blog, then you must not mind it!) Here's the thing, I use my Kindle and read a lot. This year, I made a commitment to read the Bible through...and I do use my Kindle for that (and I love it!). Well, more times than I can count over the short 48 hours or so that I had the iPad, I would stop mid-sentence while reading my Bible and check Facebook or my e-mail or some other app on the iPad. That's when I realized that I really didn't need this thing in my life. Don't get me wrong, the iPad is great and some people, like my husband, find it really useful in their everyday lives. For me, it just seemed like one more thing to take away from my quiet time...it was just one more device for me to check Facebook! I already struggle with the distraction I allow Facebook to be in my daily walk, so I just could not justify having another thing that encourages that distraction.

The other thing that sealed the deal on me returning the iPad was our desire as a family to go on a mission trip this summer. We are hoping to go, as a family, to New York City this summer to be a part of City Uprising. In our prayer and preparation for that trip, I realized that the iPad cost pretty much the exact amount needed for our deposit for that trip. How could I justify spending money on something I didn't really need (or want if we're being truthful) if I knew it would hinder our family from sharing the gospel? That may seem far-fetched to some people, but that was my conviction and I truly believe that the Lord uses convictions to help guide us. I'm not saying that "God told me to take the iPad back", but I am saying that the iPad could have been a hindrance to our family glorifying God through this upcoming mission trip. Again, I want to emphasize that just because I felt this way doesn't mean I'm saying everyone should feel the same way. It's not a guilt trip or ploy to make anyone feel materialistic or an insult on anyone else's relationship with God...it's just my personal story. Everyone has their own convictions...in my opinion, because He loves each of us individually and is developing each of us differently to bring Him glory.

The Big D...and what it means to me

So, I found out today that two of our friends are getting a divorce...and it's oh-so-painful for me to see. I think this is the first time any of our couple friends that we're close to have gone through this, so it's especially bothersome for me. (And by two of our friends, I mean two separate couples!) Let me share my past so you can maybe understand my point of view on this subject.

I fully understand that sometimes a marriage just doesn't work out and that in certain circumstances, especially abusive situations, God doesn't desire for any of His children to suffer in a marriage. With that being said, I just can't tell you enough how hard and painful divorce is on a family. My parents were divorced very early in my life...I think I was about four years old at the time....I'm really not sure because I was so young. Let's just say that I was young enough that I don't have any memories of my parents being together. I don't have those childhood memories of the whole family going to church together or going to get ice cream together and all those other fun things families do together...those memories just aren't there for me. Did I have a terrible childhood? No way...I had the most wonderful, caring, loving mother and grandparents a child could ask for! My childhood is filled with memories of long days playing at my grandparents house and they are all wonderful...wouldn't trade those days for anything! I am so blessed to have been able to be so close to my grandparents!

However, the other side of those wonderful memories are those that are filled with the guilt and pain that I was the reason that my parents got divorced. I think all I ever wanted as a child was my father's love and approval...I truly believed that my father didn't live in our house anymore because of me. I lived much of my life feeling like I was unwanted and that my birth caused my father to leave our family. I know now that there were bigger issues and I was not one of them, but, as a child, that's all I could see. I guess I'm better for it because I never wanted to be less that perfect growing up because I thought that my good grades (straight A's through high school) or other achievements would suddenly make my father approve of me and love me more. I would win awards just to impress someone that wasn't watching. (But, hey, I did end up with a full scholarship to college where I met my wonderful husband and went on to get a doctorate degree and I now have a career I love and that provides for my family!) I know that there are many children who probably had those same emotions and their parents are probably still together...I'm just telling my story.

Now, I'm not writing this to completely bash one parent or the other...I have much better relationships with both of my parents now. I also have an amazing stepfather that stepped in when I was 7 and cared for me more than I will ever know...and I am so thankful for God's provision with that. At the same time, the concept of fatherly love was completely foreign to me until my children were born and I got to see first hand just how much a Daddy loves his daughters! It's at that point that I think I truly got just how much God loves us! As a teen, I was very active in church...that's what I did and I loved it. I think I even thought that I could be perfect at that too...I related my relationship with Christ the same as with my earthly father. If I was doing everything as perfectly as I could, then He must love me, but if I slip up, He would leave me. That's what I thought about God for the longest time...I just didn't understand the whole "He loves us like a father loves his child" concept because I didn't know what that meant. However, seeing how much David and I loved our girls from the moment we knew of them (meaning two pink lines on a stick!), I got it! I finally understood how much He loves and how much He desires us! What a joyous and wonderful feeling to finally understand that unconditional love people speak of and to know that there is a God who has loved me that way since I was created! (Guess what...He loves you that much too!)

So, I got a little side-tracked on the whole divorce issue. Here's the thing...I am so thankful now that my parents aren't together. I know that God works for the good and that was the good for our family. I know that I am better for it, but I would never want a child to feel the way I did growing up. All I can do is beg of you that if you are going through or have been through a divorce or if you have family that has been through that, please make sure those children involved know how much they are loved. I can see now the different factors in my father's involvement in my life (does it make it any better, not really, but I get it), but as a child I couldn't see any of that. I know now that he did and does love me and can see that/ All I could see then is that my parents were together, I was born, then they weren't together anymore. I have never known of a child being the reason for the divorce, but do the children in those situations know that? Please make sure your child knows that they aren't/weren't the reason...and please, please never play that game with your children where you put one parent against the other and say that one parent loves the children and the other does not. It's already too much for children to experience, but to place that already lingering doubt of if a parent loves them on top of it is just too much.

OK, I'm going to step off of my soapbox for now. By writing this I'm not saying I'm perfect and that my marriage is perfect or that my marriage will always be perfect, but I do pray daily thanking the Lord for my marriage and pray that the He will sustain my marriage. I am so thankful for this amazing man that God has given me! I really hope I haven't upset anyone with this...it was on my heart to share my experience and I don't intend it to be judgmental in any way.